Getting out of my funk

For the past few weeks I’ve been in a funk.  Let’s be honest, and vulnerable here, I was depressed.  I was having a hard time getting out of bed in the morning.  I have recently come to realize that there are a few reasons for that but one major one.  I feel like I’ve lost my purpose(s).  I had a job for 9 years that 3 months ago I lost.  I haven’t been unemployed since before 1997!  I have two daughters – one who is about to be 19 and one who just turned 17.  They are becoming adults.  And while I think that I still have a ton of wisdom to bestow on them, sometimes they don’t want to listen to that wisdom, or at least when you want to share it!  So, I’m having to adjust to not being “needed” as much by my daughters.  So, where does that leave me???  In a funk!  I don’t feel like I have a purpose.  Well, let me rephrase that “I DIDN”T feel like I had a purpose”.  Starting today, I find my purpose!  I know it’s out there somewhere!  🙂

My first step is to start taking better care of myself.  I feel like I’ve let myself, and the 3 people who supported me going, down by not doing a better job of that since I got back from True North.  There is a woman I follow on Facebook called “Mrs Plant”.  She lives in Texas and is about my age and is basically doing the same thing I am at least as far as our eating goes.  She shared this past weekend that she wasn’t where she wanted to be physically and that she had fallen back into some bad habits (hmmmm….that sounds familiar…).  I shared with her something that I had received at True North.  It’s called Conscious Eating and it’s a card you’re supposed to pull out when you want to eat when you’re really not hungry: 1. What sensations am I experiencing? 2. What emotions am I experiencing? 3. What might these be communicating to me? 4. What values are important to me? 5. What do I WANT to be experiencing? 6. How might I nourish my TRUE hunger? 7. Do I choose to eat? She said sometimes the answer to the last question is going to be “YES” but that if you’re honest and thorough with the answers to the questions above it most of the time it will be no.  This week I am choosing to make better choices about what I’m eating and pull out that card when I want to eat when I’m not hungry.  I am also choosing to move!  Notice that I didn’t say exercise.  I have a strong dislike of the word exercise and it brings up negative emotions in me.  So, I am choosing the word “MOVE”.  “Move” to me equals: Dancing, walking, riding my bike, interval training, yoga, etc.  Anything that, as David at True North said, gets my belly button off of it’s current plane!  He suggested that we focus on things that made our belly button move from it’s current plane.  So, lifting weights, on a machine at the gym, does not cause your belly button to move from it’s plane (well, at least most of them).  However, doing push ups on the floor or even against a wall moves your belly button from it’s plane.

My second step is to find a purpose!  HAVE A GOAL, VISION, PLAN…whatever you want to call it, I need to get one!  There are a few steps I’m taking in this direction.  First will be to start clearing my environment.  My sister (thank you again) reminded me of something that we have read in books and know to be true.  The condition of your physical environment will cause things to happen or not to happen.  (Being vulnerable again here…) The physical condition of my environment is HORRIBLE!!!!  There is clutter EVERYWHERE!!!!  How can I expect new things to enter my life when there’s old stuff cluttering it up???  By the way, if you ever want help with that aspect of your life there is a wonderful woman called the Abundance Whisperer (http://www.theabundancewhisperer.com/) who is wonderful at helping you clear out the “clutter” (both physically and mentally) from your home.  The reason I haven’t hired her is #1 I don’t have a job! and #2 – I would be seriously horrified for her to see the state of my environment (although that IS her job!).  Anyway… I will be working that on my own and making my physical environment something that reflects who I am and what I want in my life.  The other part of this is to get clear in what I want.  Where do I want to live???  What do I want to do????  How do I want my days to look???  Who is going to be in my “circle”??? Vision board to the rescue!!!  If you’ve ever read anything about the successful people in the world, more often than not, they have a vision board or something like it.  It’s a big picture vision of what you want in your life.  So, for example, on my vision board I will have “xeriscaping” because I don’t want to have to water or mow my landscape when I move to a “permanent” residence.  I will take a picture of my vision board and share it after I get it done!

I think that’s a grand start to getting myself out of my depressive state!  Time to laugh, dance and be joyous!  Have an outstanding week!

Advertisements

Setback

I returned a week ago from a trip to Kentucky.  The first week that I was in Kentucky I gained 5 pounds.  Yes, 5 pounds in one week.  There were a number of reasons for this and I own each of them.  First, I did not commit to my alternate day fasting program.  Had I done this it may have saved me from the second reason.  Second, we were eating out a lot.  I did an ok job of selecting options that were on the healthy side (a salad and a bowl of fruit at IHOP while everyone else was eating pancakes and hashbrowns).  It’s really hard, however, to stay completely away from the added oils and salt when you’re eating out unless you only want to eat salads and/or dry baked potatoes and that gets old really quick. Thankfully, the second week, I was in Kentucky, my sister joined me in my alternate day fasting program and was wonderful in cooking no added salt/no added oil meals while I was at my engraving class (more on that below).  I lost 2 of the 5 pounds I had gained during that week.  Conclusion:  I have to eat out as little as humanly possible and stick to my alternate fasting program.  My husband is now working the “graveyard” shift which is causing us to not be on the same “plan”.  I have determined that the 8/16 fasting program works better for me.  The program we were doing before, “normal” eating one day and less than 500 calories the next, wasn’t working well for me.  I would get really hungry towards the end of the day and would end up making bad choices for dinner because I was so hungry.  The 8/16 is working better.  I eat for 8 hours out of a day and fast for 16.  So, for example, yesterday I ate till 7pm so today I will start eating again at 11am. Most of my fasting time is done while I’m sleeping!

We will be traveling a lot this summer (we leave in 5 days for New Mexico!).  Thankfully the next place we will be, Santa Fe, has quite a lot of vegan/vegetarian/veg-friendly restaurants.  I was hoping they would have a farmers market open while we were there so I just looked and theirs is open on Tuesdays and Saturdays.   Saturday it is!  I love farmer’s markets!  The best one that I’ve been to, so far, is the one in Boulder, CO.  I seriously thought I had died and went to heaven when I saw that one!  The other thing that I need to get better at is asking for what I want from the chefs/cooks at restaurants.  I need to get over not wanting to be a bother to them.  This is my health we’re talking about!  I have started to carry my no salt seasonings in my purse (I found little glass vials at The Container Store) and will also start carrying balsamic vinegar for my salads.   I felt a little uncomfortable pulling them out at first, in restaurants, but again…this is my health we’re talking about!  I’m am perfectly fine now with pulling them out!

I was going to say that my experience with the master engraver was a setback and yet, in reality, it wasn’t a setback it was a time for me to reflect.  My commute from my dad’s house in Kentucky to the engravers was 2 hours, each way.  So, I would leave my dads at 7am and arrive at the engravers at 9am.  Engraving is some mentally intense work!!!  At 5pm I would drive back to my dad’s where my sister graciously had dinner waiting for me.  I would spend 30-45 minutes on my “homework” for my engraving and then head to bed.  I did that for 2 days.  On the 3rd day, I woke up feeling like crap.  I had been coughing most of the night and just felt horrible.  I got my lunch together and headed out the door.  I made about a 30 minute drive and realized that I was putting myself, and other people, in danger by driving for 2 hours with how I was feeling.  So, I turned around, went back to bed and slept for 3 more hours!  I continued to not feel well so I never made it back to finish my engraving class.  My sister graciously offered to drive back to Texas with me so I wouldn’t have to make the 11-12 hour drive by myself in my ill health.  Very grateful for that generosity.  Because I’m a firm believer in everything happens for a reason, I knew there was a reason that I didn’t finish the class.  My sister and I talked about it and I don’t think I’m cut out for scroll work in engraving.  My heart just wasn’t in it.  Don’t get me wrong, I think engraving is really cool and I think I could be really good at it.  Just not that type of engraving.  The gentleman I was working with does, at least from what I could see, one type of engraving – scrolls.  I think he does lettering too but for the most part it’s scrolls.  This works for him.  He’s very passionate about it and is REALLY good at it.  So, I have a few weeks before I have to decide whether or not to finish up the 3 other days with him or spend the money on equipment and see what calls to me from an engraving aspect (I’m leaning towards the last one).

What I’ve learned from the past few weeks is that I may, and probably will, have setbacks, or perceived setbacks, and that what I do after them is what’s important.  Do I throw my hands up in the air and quit because I gained 5 pounds or because I couldn’t finish my engraving class?  NO!!!  I take a step back and look at what I am committed to, what I can change and what I can do differently moving forward.  I read a great article yesterday about “Live like you’ve won the lottery”.  The bottom line of the article was to write down the top 5 things that you would do if you won the lottery.  Get to the bottom of why you would do each of those things and then DO IT!!!!  You may not be able to do it in the grandiose style that you would if you actually did win the lottery but you can do something.  One woman and her husband said they would move to Santa Cruz, CA if they won the lottery.  So, that’s what they did even though they didn’t win the lottery.  Yes, the house was smaller and they didn’t have all the “things” that they may have acquired had they actually won the lottery but they were living where they wanted to live.  She and her husband are thrilled about their decision. So, that’s what my challenge for myself is going to be this week (as the Mega Millions Lottery approaches 1/2 billion!).  What are the top 5 things that I would do if I won the lottery???  What would you do???